Shadow of a Memory
by Alcarinquatari
Summary: A little story of Kagome thinking about how she feels about Kikyou, Inuyasha, and being a shadow of Kikyou. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Kagome or Inuyasha.

Shadow of a Memory

I watch from my safe spot within the trees as you embrace eachother. I heard you finally convince your love to her, again. I heard you confess how you loved me like a younger sister, as a friend, nothing more. Why Inuyasha? Why am I not good enough for you? Why do you put up with me then? Tell me Inuyasha, because I don't know the answer.

I wish I did though. Then maybe this wouldn't be so painful. You don't treat me like a little sister, you treated me live a lover would. Inuyasha, I curse you. How dare you make me feel this pain? I gave you my heart Inuyasha. I thought that was clear to you. I thought you understood that, I thought you felt the same way about me.

Tell me Inuyasha, how long? How long have you been feeding me with your lies? Your lies of fake love? I want to know. I want to know how long you've been seeing her like this. After that battle with Naraku's little puppets, you haven't been the same. You always snuck off, saying you were just going on a walk. But, you weren't were you?

You were with her. How I hate her. I don't care if I am her stupid reincarnation. Inuyasha, is that why you keep me around? Because of her. All for her. Inuyasha, you still love her? After all she's done to you! How? Why? I want to scream at you, tell you how stupid you are! How can you love someone who has tried to kill you multiple times, has tried to kill me? How Inuyasha? How?

Inuyasha, she is dead now. Accept that. Accept that she is not the same Kikyou you once knew. Or, is she? When she is around you, all alone, is she the Kikyou you once knew? What is the Kikyou you once knew Inuyasha? What was she like? What made you fall in love with her? Do you still see what you saw in her fifty years ago.

Inuyasha, I know nothing of your past with Kikyou. Except for that Naraku tricked you both into hating eachother. Kikyou ended up dying and you were pinned to that tree for fifty. Until I found you. Inuyasha, that was the best day of my life. When I saw you, I saw my first true love. That's right Inuyasha. I've been in love with you since the beginning.

It was downhill from there. For I started loving you more and more each day, than she came into the picture. She came back into your life and I saw a side of you I'd never seen, never known. I still don't know it today. I don't know what you feel on the inside Inuyasha. What is going on in your mind? Are you thinking about her day and night? Are you thinking about the past?

Inuyasha, why can't you let go? That is the past, this is the present. Inuyasha, I could be your love. I would love you so much Inuyasha. I would never betray you, never. I promise. But, you don't love me. You never have, and you never will Inuyasha. While that may be true, I will always love you. Never will I love another like I loved you.

I look back up at you two. I look at Kikyou. She still hasn't seen or sensed me yet. She looks different. Her eyes, those sad, lonely brown depths, aren't the same. They are a filled with love, love for you, and happiness. And your eyes, your eyes are filled with undenying love for her, not for me. You look different when you're with her Inuyasha. You're so much more relaxed, so much more calm and gentle. Is this who you really are Inuyasha? Is this the true you only a few can bring out?

I guess so. I've never seen you like this. You're holding her so gently, so tenderly, so lovingly. I hate you right now Inuyasha. I hate you because you love her and not me. I deserve your love, for I am alive, she is not. Why can't you see that Inuyasha? Or, do you? Do you see the difference between her and me? Do you just not care? Do you not care that she is dead? Do you love her all the same? Do you not care that I am alive?

Inuyasha, I am tired of this. I am tired of having to feel this pain. Inuyasha, I don't want to love you, but I can't stop myself. I wouldn't be the same without you. I want to stop loving you, I don't want to feel this sorrow, this emptiness that I am feeling inside. I want to move on. I want to be able to operate without you there.

The truth is though, I can't. I can't imagine you not being there anymore Inuyasha. And I absolutely hate it. I hate not being as independent as I used to be. Inuyasha, please, come to me. Forget about Kikyou. Forget about that past love. How I wish you would do that. How I wish you would realize just how much I love you.

But, you never will Inuyasha. Watching you two being just content in being in eachother's embrace, not doing or saying anything, tells me everything. She is your love, she is the one your heart longs for, the one who completes your soul. My Inuyasha, I'll always love you, but I will never understand how you work.

Kikyou, I will never understand you either. I will never understand how you feel about Inuyasha, about me, and about everyone else. I will never understand what the pain in your heart is like. I will never understand, and I don't want to.

I will leave you two alone now. I realize that no matter how hard I try, you two can never stop loving eachother. When Inuyasha comes back from his visit with you Kikyou, I won't yell at him. I won't sit him. I won't do anything to him. I promise. I won't give you dirty looks anymore Kikyou. I won't pray for you to die. I will even let you travel with us if you wish.

I realize now, that just because I love Inuyasha doesn't mean he has to love me. I will give up on pursuing him. I will try to control my feelings and my heart. Even though this hurts more than anything I've ever felt. I can't believe I let myself fall in love with you. I can't believe I let myself be devoted to you. I can't believe I even tried to make you love me. For you can't. Your heart won't let you. You couldn't bring yourself to betray Kikyou.

I may be her reincarnation, but I am not Kikyou. Everyone else seems to think we must be the same person. We aren't. We may look a little bit like eachother, but we are not the other. I am not Kikyou, and Kikyou is not me. I don't care what everyone else says or thinks. I may have a bit of her soul, and I may have her spiritual powers. But, I will never ne Kikyou. I think Inuyasha sees this. He sees I am not Kikyou and so he loves her still. I am nothing to the rest of the world. At least to him I am a somebody, but to the world I am forever following Kikyou. I am nothing but the shadow of a memory named Kikyou.

One thing: I don't really like Kagome. I don't like seeing her and Inuyasha together. Sorry if that offends anyone. I love the Inuyasha and Kikyou relationship however. Those two belong together, in my opinion anyway. If you find that offensive as well, I'm sorry. Please, no flames. Please review! Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! I decided to make another chapter of Shadow of a Memory. I wasn't going to, but I thought about it and decided I should. So, to those of you who wanted another chapter, here you go! I don't own any part of Inuyasha.

Chapter Two: Inuyasha

I say my goodbyes to Kikyou and looked at her longingly. I knew I would see her again and I hoped it was soon. I started my way back to the campsite when I caught the scent of something, or of someone. I sniffed the air again, not wanting to believe the scent I had picked up. It was Kagome's scent. Kagome had seen me with Kikyou? If she had she would be madder than mad at me. I gulped, slowing down for I didn't want to go back to the camp too soon.

I stopped though. If I took longer, she would just be angrier and question me about what further went on between us. That would not bode well. I began to pick up the pace, going as fast as I could, but still managing to stay at a walk. I began to think of possible explanations that I could tell her, maybe even an apology. I knew she would be demanding one. If I didn't apologize, she'd probably go running back home to her own time. Then I would have to deal with the other's disapproving glances and them ignoring me.

I sighed. It was lose-lose situation. But, I did owe Kagome at least an apology. But, I wasn't going to not see Kikyou anymore. I loved her, but I also didn't want Kagome's feeling to be hurt. She is one of my best friends and I can't do that to her. No matter how many times I get sat, I can't hurt her too badly. But, she'll get over it. Won't she? She has in the past. Why not now?

I reached the campsite and saw Kagome sitting a little ways away from the fire, looking up at the sky. I gulped, expecting her to turn to me right away and stick her nose up in the air and expecting the others to glare at me. None of it happened. None of it. Sango, Miroku, and Shippo all greeted me and Kagome just continued to look on the stars.

I walked up to her, gathering my courage. "Um, hi Kagome," I said, feeling more awkward by the minute. Kagome paused in looking at the stars to look at me.

"Hello Inuyasha," she said with a small wave. "So, how are you?" she asked, looking back at the others for a moment.

I shifted my weight onto my right foot and shrugged. "I am ok, I guess . . ." I trailed off, confused by her actions. Why wasn't she giving me nasty looks? Why wasn't she sitting me? Why wasn't she yelling? Why wasn't she doing anything that she usually did? I sat down next to her, preparing for her to move away, but she didn't. I decided to get right the point. "Kagome, why aren't you sitting me or anything? I know you saw me and Kikyou together, I smelt your scent."

Kagome looked away, a blush appearing on her face. "Sorry about that." She looked back at me, a strangely calm look at her face. "Why would I sit you Inuyasha? It's painfully obvious that you love Kikyou and not me." Kagome paused before continuing. She gave Inuyasha a cheerful smile. "I know how you really feel about me Inuyasha, and that's all I need," she said softly.

I almost fainted. I couldn't completely comprehend what it was she had just said to me. She accepted it? Just like that? I blinked in confusion. I rubbed my eyes and reopened them. It was not a dream, it was real. I smiled at Kagome. She titled her head. I reached forward and pulled her into a hug. After a moment I pulled away. "Thanks Kagome, you'll never know how much that means to me," I told her after a little bit of silence.

She looked at me, a certain knowing in her eyes. "I think I already do Inuyasha." She looked at the ground, tears falling from her eyes.

I gasped and began to back away. "Kagome, what's wrong now? What did I do?" I blurted out.

She looked up and began laughing. After her laughter had died she explained, "I am just crying because I am sad and happy at the same time. I am sad that you are with Kikyou, because, the truth is Inuyasha," she stopped for a moment, hesitating. I leaned forward, urging for her to continue. "I love you Inuyasha," she said in a almost whisper.

My eyes widened. "Kagome . . . I didn't really know if you did or not," I told her. She looked at me and nodded.

"I understand Inuyasha, and it's ok," she reassured me. "I just wanted you to know that before you went back to Kikyou. I know when we complete the jewel you're going to bring her back to life and I just wanted to tell you before I lost my chance." Kagome let out a breath and inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself.

I owed Kagome something. Just a little something to let her know I appreciate the gesture, but I can never betray Kikyou. She was my friend and always would be. She had been with me through it all. She deserved someone who could make her happy. I couldn't be that someone though, so I had to find something I could give back to her.

"Kagome," I started, unsure of what I was going to do or say. She gave me a questioning look, wiping the tears away from her eyes. I got closer to her face. "I just wanted to thank you for being there through it all with me Kagome . . ." I trialed off as I gently placed a kiss onto her lips. I heard Kagome's gasp and she gave me a small kiss in return.

I pulled away in a minute and I saw a dazed look on her face. "I owed you that Kagome," I explained to her. "You're free Kagome. You can with whomever you wish."

She smiled sadly. "This pain in my heart and my love for you aren't just going to disappear like that Inuyasha," she said, snapping her fingers for demonstrations. She smiled at me though, giving me a small laugh. "Thank you Inuyasha," she said, touching her lips. "I'll cherish that forever."

I nodded. I stood up and began to walk over to the rest of the group, but turned to her. She looked at me, her fingers still placed on her lips. "Kagome, does this mean I am free too?" I asked her, still unsure if I was. Was I free to love Kikyou now? Was I free from the binds of her love for me.

She nodded, another tear sliding from her eye. "You're free Inuyasha. You're free," she repeated, giving it emphasis.

I smiled, my heart feeling a lot lighter than it has in a long time. "Thanks again Kagome," I told her again, wanting her to know that she was still one of my best friends and that she would always hold a special place in my heart.

She seemed to already know that though, for she shooed me away. "I saved some ramen for you. Sango should have it," she told me. "I know how you love your ramen." She began laughing again.

I shrugged. I would never understand mortals, even though I was half of one myself. I waved to Kagome and sat next to Sango and Miroku. Sango smiled at me and gave me the ramen. "Here you are Inuyasha," she said, giving me the chop sticks. "So, Inuyasha, are you going to be seeing Kikyou-sama again soon?" she asked.

I stopped eating my ramen to give her a bemused look. "I hope so. Why?"

"Well, it just doesn't seem proper for her to have to travel alone. You should invite her to come with us. Kagome-chan has accepted your and Kikyou's relationship, so the rest of us are going to too."

I smiled, feeling giddy. I had never felt like that before. Except when I had been with Kikyou and when I had been with Kagome a few times I had felt that way. "I will do that the next time I see her Sango," I assured the demon huntress. She nodded and I looked at the sky. The future seemed a whole lot brighter. I was finally getting out of the shadows, and into the sun. At last, the pain in my heart of choosing between the two was no longer in existence. I was free. Free to love whom I wanted, free to befriend whom I wanted.

(Kagome's point of view)

I stared at Inuyasha as he lifted his head up, a happy expression on his face. I knew Sango had just asked him to invite Kikyou to join the group. I turned away, feeling happy myself. I would finally get to know the real Kikyou, not the Kikyou I was always compared to. I would get to learn about her past and about herself from the real person, not from Inuyasha, not from Kikyou's sister, and not from anyone else.

I would finally be able to know if I was like her or not. I would finally tell her my feelings about what is was like to be her reincarnation. I would tell her that I was sorry. I would talk to her and finally treat her like a person, not a dead person whom I felt was stealing Inuyasha away from me.

I wouldn't have to be jealous of her. I wouldn't have to wish she was dead. I wouldn't have to hate her. I could judge her for myself. I could become my own person at last. Maybe after a while, Kikyou and I could become friends and people would see the difference. And when they did, maybe they could start remembering me for me, not for Kikyou. Maybe I could finally step out of the shadow of a memory, and maybe the memory could let her heart rest at ease at last.

The End

I know, that was pretty lame wasn't it? I am sorry about that. Please review! I would love some tips or whatever you would be willingly to give me. Maybe ideas for more fanfictions? Thank you! Please review!


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